It’s hard to imagine exactly what thoughts will be on our minds when it’s time to say goodbye, but doctors, through their experience, might have a pretty good idea of the common regrets people express when nearing the end.
Health professionals, especially those who work in hospice care, have often shared patterns they observe among patients in their final days, revealing insights into what people most commonly wish they had done differently.
Now, a doctor specializing in internal medicine who has spent years working with terminally ill patients has shared the top five regrets she has frequently heard from patients nearing the end.
Dr. Shoshana Ungerleider, who has closely documented her patients’ final reflections, has gathered insights into the things people most regret as they near the end of their lives.
In an interview with CNBC Make It, Dr. Ungerleider shared her perspective on the importance of the present moment, stating: “Being proximate to the end of your life really allows you — pushes you — to be present because that’s all you have.”
She is also set to host the upcoming Before We Go podcast, where she’ll discuss how we as a society can rethink and approach the end-of-life experience for ourselves and our loved ones.
Highlighting her findings, Dr. Ungerleider emphasized that these five common regrets are universal, affecting us all, regardless of age or background. She added: “Throughout our lives, this present moment is all we have.”
Here are the top regrets she often hears from her patients:
Not Spending More Time With Loved Ones
Life can easily take over, filling our days with responsibilities and tasks, but not prioritizing time with loved ones is a regret she hears often. This serves as a reminder for those who might be delaying that call or catch-up with family or friends.
Working Too Much
For many, working hard is a way of life, but it can come at the cost of valuable moments with people we care about. Several terminally ill patients expressed regret over spending excessive hours at work, highlighting the importance of finding balance where possible.
Not Taking Enough Risks
According to Dr. Ungerleider, “Letting fear control their decisions,” is something many patients reflected on. It’s natural to feel hesitant about stepping outside of our comfort zones, yet it seems that, at the end of life, the risks not taken are often a source of regret.
In essence, living a little more freely and embracing spontaneity might lead to a more fulfilling life.
Not Being More Brave
Dr. Ungerleider explained that many people regret not having the courage to embrace opportunities when faced with uncertain situations. This could be related to career choices, relationships, or general life paths. The main takeaway is to avoid letting fear hold you back from meaningful experiences.
Not Living In The Present
The final insight Dr. Ungerleider shared is about people who spend so much time planning or worrying about the future that they forget to appreciate what’s happening now. Focusing too much on the future often means missing out on the joy and beauty in the present.
It’s a tendency we’re all likely guilty of at times, but it serves as a reminder to occasionally pause, take a deep breath, and really take in the moment.
The Doctor’s Advice
In addition to these life lessons, Dr. Ungerleider suggests paying attention to our diet and exercise and encourages everyone to reflect on mortality from a younger age. She believes that acknowledging our mortality earlier can help us live with fewer regrets and more courage.
She concluded her reflections with this thought: “Reflecting on our own mortality throughout life, whether you’re 20, 50, 80, whatever, allows us to live better every day with more meaning and purpose in our lives.”
